I was sitting down in my room, questioning my existence of love. I choose to be poly for I no longer want to be hurt. Tying myself down to one or binding myself with a commitment to one feels more of a burden I'm throwing to another as I struggled to find my footing on this beautiful earth. Poly works for me as I have more of a choice - to turn to the different partners for the different needs I have, yet I learn to realize I'll never be satisfied for nothing completes me.
And so... I decided to write. Not knowing how it'll be. I allowed myself into my little space and here's my internal conversation.
And so... I decided to write. Not knowing how it'll be. I allowed myself into my little space and here's my internal conversation.
I was told before that there's a guide in each of us - ever loving, ever empowering, never failing to believe in us even at the moment we could no longer listen to something light. These words fell in without any thoughts. It comes as a reminder of what I'm was almost giving up...Tears welded upAs I feel alone in my spaceWaiting for helpKnowing only I can be there for me.Spirit animal did I callA red dragonfly, translucent in the lightGentle and agile it isFlying free in front of me.I allowed myself to roam inFalling deep within my achesDo I not deserve to be loved?For that's what I so desperately need.Can't help to be afraidFor what I want is not trueThings I need are impossibleAs reality of experiences sets in.I learn to stop believingTo be loved for who I amInstead I learn to start givingThe love I know I haveDarkness ropes me inReminding me of my worthlessnessHatred binds me throughAs faults of the past are present
No Elena, No little girlYou may not be lovedBut you deserve moreFor you are who you are.Step back from the darkStep forth to the lightLead your life with graceFill each moment with joyLet the pain fade awayAs the right man steps upLet both your pain heal throughAs you embrace one's truth
Love isn't desired or a needIt is just as it isUnconditional, ever lastingNeither a dream, nor a realityYou'll know when the time comesTill then pick up your courage to speakOpen your heart to allAnd spread the light withinBe the dragonfly you're born to beBe the one that transcend throughLet the light flow within youAs you begin your discovery you long seekShare this, share forthNobody shall be aloneUnless it is one's choiceEach are designated to be entwined.Little girl, STOPAfraid you shall not beYou're safe in this very journeyLet discovery fill you in.I love you little girl,Alone you feel you might beYour truth is far from thisLet your love set you free.
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