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Dragonfly's Little Message

I was sitting down in my room, questioning my existence of love. I choose to be poly for I no longer want to be hurt. Tying myself down to one or binding myself with a commitment to one feels more of a burden I'm throwing to another as I struggled to find my footing on this beautiful earth. Poly works for me as I have more of a choice - to turn to the different partners for the different needs I have, yet I learn to realize I'll never be satisfied for nothing completes me.

And so... I decided to write. Not knowing how it'll be. I allowed myself into my little space and here's my internal conversation.



Tears welded up
As I feel alone in my space
Waiting for help
Knowing only I can be there for me.

Spirit animal did I call
A red dragonfly, translucent in the light
Gentle and agile it is
Flying free in front of me.

I allowed myself to roam in
Falling deep within my aches
Do I not deserve to be loved?
For that's what I so desperately need.

Can't help to be afraid
For what I want is not true
Things I need are impossible
As reality of experiences sets in.

I learn to stop believing
To be loved for who I am
Instead I learn to start giving
The love I know I have

Darkness ropes me in
Reminding me of my worthlessness
Hatred binds me through
As faults of the past are present

I was told before that there's a guide in each of us - ever loving, ever empowering, never failing to believe in us even at the moment we could no longer listen to something light. These words fell in without any thoughts. It comes as a reminder of what I'm was almost giving up...
No Elena, No little girl
You may not be loved
But you deserve more
For you are who you are.

Step back from the dark
Step forth to the light
Lead your life with grace
Fill each moment with joy

Let the pain fade away
As the right man steps up
Let both your pain heal through
As you embrace one's truth


Love isn't desired or a need
It is just as it is
Unconditional, ever lasting
Neither a dream, nor a reality

You'll know when the time comes
Till then pick up your courage to speak
Open your heart to all
And spread the light within

Be the dragonfly you're born to be
Be the one that transcend through
Let the light flow within you
As you begin your discovery you long seek

Share this, share forth
Nobody shall be alone
Unless it is one's choice
Each are designated to be entwined.

Little girl, STOP
Afraid you shall not be
You're safe in this very journey
Let discovery fill you in.

I love you little girl,
Alone you feel you might be
Your truth is far from this
Let your love set you free. 
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