Bratty Slut's Personal Corner

Have you ever wondered how it feels like to talk to your inner voice? It feels like it's you yet wiser,  deeper and patient. Here's my conversation with my little... Closing my eyes It's where I am now... Where am I? In the depths of your very own mind. How? It's your choice, not mine. Why? You did say you'll not run. When? It's anytime you are ready... anywhere you physically might be. What now? Listen, breathe and believe. For you are safe. I'll not hurt you baby, I promise I won't. And so I did... stepping a little into the depths of my own mind. Afraid yet aware of my fears. Unshaken for it is all of me. And so... words again flowed in.  The way it always had been... Why am I like this? Why do I always end up here? The voice in my head smiled.. "For you are alone"  Is this the way it will always be? Loneliness cannot be replaced For it's within you Deep into your soul you are. I embraced...

I was sitting down in my room, questioning my existence of love. I choose to be poly for I no longer want to be hurt. Tying myself down to one or binding myself with a commitment to one feels more of a burden I'm throwing to another as I struggled to find my footing on this beautiful earth. Poly works for me as I have more of a choice - to turn to the different partners for the different needs I have, yet I learn to realize I'll never be satisfied for nothing completes me. And so... I decided to write. Not knowing how it'll be. I allowed myself into my little space and here's my internal conversation.

A relationship is born through a bonding of trust. One of which the dynamic of respect, honour and faith to their partners. With this, BDSM is different from any regular relationship - in my eyes. When it comes to a Friend With Benefits relationship, it encompass a bonding of trust, communication and connection. This however doesn't need to be deep for its about being as friends with sex as the topping. The fear is when lust becomes love for one or the other - when one isn't there to commit. This comes to me wondering what if... for a BDSM relationship. Would it be worse for the connections reign deeper - sipping into our souls?

What do you think of rules and structure? To those that knows me, I seriously hate them. I hate them so much that I ensure that no students or interns called me by the title "Miss". I'll allow them to call me by my name or nicknames like "Pretty" or "Comel" (Cute in Malaysian Language). I just didn't like the idea of someone thinking I'm better than them. When I first came to the BDSM scene, I had people approaching me with their names. "Slave", "Sir", "Master". I'll always opt to call them by their names instead (or their nicknames). In was the same for Master. I called him Shem when he questioned, "Yes what?". And he accepted it at first, when I called him by his name. Only with time and with trust, it escalated to Sir - followed by Master. It took me a while to get used to the titles. When I first started off, it was easier to call someone Daddy than any of the other titles. I feel inferio...

Remember this my dear Sir Mistakes made are reflections  Of pain, fear and loss  It's never meant to directly hurt you For the other had always been suffering It's neither your fault you're not enough  Nor is it hers for not communicating  It's just how life had always been When our minds aren't strong to withhold the pain Hence I truly pray That your days and night Be filled with love  Let the joy in your heart Be the guide Let it all be free Let the pain dissipate And the angst released Not forgetting the hatred forgiven As happiness to replace them For nothing is more worthy Than your very peace of mind For nothing can ever be enough Than your love for self As the right one is waiting for you to be cleared and free. -BrokenBrat, 10 August 2018

Writing... I write when I'm in overdrive I write when I'm tired I write when I needed an outlet I write when I'm punishing myself Pain... Physical pain brings me to the moment Pushing all things internal aside But mental and emotional pain It drives me round, running from myself Believing my punishment is to be alone Into the shadows I walk Unaware of the initial idea I had Thinking with this I'll get closure But instead the further and deeper I fall. Again tears are running down Words just kept flowing in But along the way I just had to stop Why oh why am I punishing myself again The storyline this time wasn't important But the pain I want it to be inflicted in me was Guilt, hatred, pain and shame No words could explain what's truly within The ghastly ghost I'm so afraid The demon waiting to be free The guardian being cast away Alone I am in my dark thoughts, I feel This internal infliction must stop It's not Master's responsibility but mine To trul...