Skip to main content

This Internal Conflict Must Stop

Writing...
I write when I'm in overdrive
I write when I'm tired
I write when I needed an outlet
I write when I'm punishing myself




Pain...
Physical pain brings me to the moment
Pushing all things internal aside
But mental and emotional pain
It drives me round, running from myself
Believing my punishment is to be alone


Into the shadows I walk
Unaware of the initial idea I had
Thinking with this I'll get closure
But instead the further and deeper I fall.


Again tears are running down
Words just kept flowing in
But along the way I just had to stop
Why oh why am I punishing myself again


The storyline this time wasn't important
But the pain I want it to be inflicted in me was
Guilt, hatred, pain and shame
No words could explain what's truly within




The ghastly ghost I'm so afraid
The demon waiting to be free
The guardian being cast away
Alone I am in my dark thoughts, I feel


This internal infliction must stop
It's not Master's responsibility but mine
To truly strengthen the mind
Where guilt, hatred, pain and shame have no stand.


Will time even heal 
When the past is the present
Will I ever be free
When I'm waking in circles


God, guide me please
You've brought one man to save me
Help me heal my heart, my mind
In any way he chooses, guide me to surrender.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Adventure At Daddy's Country Part 2: I'm Made For Use

Darkness - Am I being blindfolded? For it feels there's something over my head. Dead silence - There's something in my ears. I can't hear. Locked - I can't budged. I can't move. Well, not more than an inch on my hands or my legs - completely bare and starfish on the bed! Speechless - I can't speak. Something slightly bouncy but big is in my mouth. Am I gagged? I tried to move - my hands, my legs, my head - hoping to remove the blindfolds or the ear plugs or the bindings but to no avail. And so, I tried to scream but I feel I'm only listening internally to the sounds I'm trying to make. This went on for 5 minutes as I slowly digested where I was.
Post a Comment
Read more

Adventure At Daddy's Country Part 3: The Dinner

Something touched my cheeks softly. Caressing with a soft gentle voice saying, "Baby. It's time to get up." I stirred. Groaning. I don't wanna wake up. I'm exhausted. And so, I turned the opposite way. Again, the gentle touch. This time on my neck, slowly caressing down my nipples. Gently flicking it before a warm, slimy touch of the tongue loop around it. This time I moaned softly and edged slightly closer towards the person waking me up. But I could barely open my eyes. I wanted to sleep more. I wanted to just enjoy that touch.
Post a Comment
Read more

Dragonfly's Little Message

I was sitting down in my room, questioning my existence of love. I choose to be poly for I no longer want to be hurt. Tying myself down to one or binding myself with a commitment to one feels more of a burden I'm throwing to another as I struggled to find my footing on this beautiful earth. Poly works for me as I have more of a choice - to turn to the different partners for the different needs I have, yet I learn to realize I'll never be satisfied for nothing completes me. And so... I decided to write. Not knowing how it'll be. I allowed myself into my little space and here's my internal conversation.
Post a Comment
Read more