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This Internal Conflict Must Stop

Writing...
I write when I'm in overdrive
I write when I'm tired
I write when I needed an outlet
I write when I'm punishing myself




Pain...
Physical pain brings me to the moment
Pushing all things internal aside
But mental and emotional pain
It drives me round, running from myself
Believing my punishment is to be alone


Into the shadows I walk
Unaware of the initial idea I had
Thinking with this I'll get closure
But instead the further and deeper I fall.


Again tears are running down
Words just kept flowing in
But along the way I just had to stop
Why oh why am I punishing myself again


The storyline this time wasn't important
But the pain I want it to be inflicted in me was
Guilt, hatred, pain and shame
No words could explain what's truly within




The ghastly ghost I'm so afraid
The demon waiting to be free
The guardian being cast away
Alone I am in my dark thoughts, I feel


This internal infliction must stop
It's not Master's responsibility but mine
To truly strengthen the mind
Where guilt, hatred, pain and shame have no stand.


Will time even heal 
When the past is the present
Will I ever be free
When I'm waking in circles


God, guide me please
You've brought one man to save me
Help me heal my heart, my mind
In any way he chooses, guide me to surrender.
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